College "Burger Joint" Conversations From Around The Nation
MIT:
"I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Caltech:
"I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Yale:
"I got mugged on the way to class today."
"Have some fries."
Brown:
"I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
"Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore:
"I got a B."
"Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Stanford:
"Dude, I got a B."
"Chill dude. Anywhere else it would have been a C. Have some
fries."
Princeton:
"My father took away my porsche this weekend."
"Poor dear. Have some escargot."
Harvard:
"Did you do anything this weekend?"
"Nope. Have some fries."
Williams:
"Don't I know you?"
"Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell:
"I killed my lab partner this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some fries."
Vassar:
"I'm so stressed and by the way, I'm gay."
"Ditto. Have some fries."
Columbia:
"I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's go get shot."
Penn:
"I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."
Dartmouth:
"Oh, man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was fuckin' awesome...
"
"Have some beer."
Smith:
"God I'm desperate."
"Me too. Have some fries."
Tufts:
"I wish I were Ivy league."
"Here drink the fry grease."
Bucknell:
"Oh my God, I spilled beer all over my J.Crew catalog."
"Here, look through mine. Have a Bison Burger."
Boston College:
"Huh, huh. It's cool being a rich idiot."
"Yeah, yeah, have some fries."
Emory:
"You hear Duke won the NCAA basketball tournament?"
"Listen dickhead — I told you NEVER to mention Duke —
EVER!, give me a coke."
Johns Hopkins:
"I killed everyone in my orgo class this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some fries."
U. of Florida:
"I hear another tourist got shot."
"Yeah, sucks. Have another Bean Burrito."
Georgetown:
"I've got five mid-terms tomorrow."
"Yeah, me too. Let's finish this keg and go laugh at the American
U. students."
Univ. Colorado,
Boulder:
"I O.D'd on Ecstasy last night."
"Bummer. Pass the Ecstasy."
William & Mary:
"Damn, I wish I didn't have to wear this stupid colonial outfit."
"Me too. Pass the glass-blowing equipment."
U.S. Naval Academy:
"Sure wish I had last year's final engineering exam."
"No kidding. Pass this year's final engineering exam."
Carnegie
Mellon U.:
"I sure wish we had some women here."
"What are women? Have some vivarin."