World Ideologies as Explained by Reference to Cows
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a
barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take
care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say
you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile,
no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell
it on the "free" market.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets
the milk.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours
the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.