Valerie Blassey • Graphic Design

Humor

 

 

    

Phrases

• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  
  
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
  
  
• There are 2 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
  
  
• Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
  
  
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
  
  
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
  
  
• Every morning is the dawn of a new error…
  
  
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  
  
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
  
  
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…
  
  
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  
  
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  
  
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
  
  
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  
  
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  
  
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
  
  
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
  
  
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  
  
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  
  
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
  
  
• Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
  
  
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  
  
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'…till you can find a rock.
  
  
• Diplomacy — the art of letting someone have your way.
  
  
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  
  
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  
  
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
  
  
• Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
  
  
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
  
  
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  
  
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2.
  
  
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  
  
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
  
  
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  
  
• Do witches run spell checkers?
  
  
• Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
  
  
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
  
  
• Dain bramaged.
  
  
• Department of Redundancy Department
  
  
• Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
  
  
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
  
  
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  
  
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  
  
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  
  
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  
  
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.