Our Summer Vacation(?!*#@& huh?beer)
by 314 Summer Residents
Bikes and Arizona Iced Tea cans
"All I have to say is that by now, he better have a really big dick!" —Jen
"Matt drink every time I snort. snort snort
snort snort snort snort snort snort snort snort . That's 10. "
—Erin to Matt Cantor
"Hi Erica. How does it feel to be 10 days
old?" — TV reporter
"Thbbbthhyhthh!" —Baby Erica, as she spits up
on the microphone
PUB —A bar in NJ
BUFF ME! —Sign in NJ
"There's the window, go find it."
—Tracy's Mom giving Valerie directions to the bathroom.
"He is really handsome. Don't let him get
away."
—Kat (a lesbian) talking about Pike to Valerie
"Yeah I walk around like I'm Abraham FUCKING
Lincoln... mumble mumble mumble "
"Alright I have to ask. What the hell?!"
"When I can form thought, ask me then and I'll remember, and
I WILL REMEMBER!"
—Erin and Chuck after Tracy Fest I
Don't Drink and Stalk —bumper sticker on Oprah
"I itched for days until I found the cure." —Charles
ROSS
"FREE WILLY" —Usually Charles
"STAND UP AND CHEER" —Tracy
"You can have sex anytime, but you can only shop when the malls are open."—Louise, The Princess
"Do you care to step outside?" —Tracy
challenges Matt
"Not until I get my 2 dollars! Then you can beat the hell out
of him." —Charles to Tracy
"Seven people, Dave, seven people." —Some kid at Santillifest
"Dave, you're a lawyer, you'd think you
could afford some fucking socks!"
— Tracy and Erin about Dave's one pair of tube socks.
"Matt, do you have an invitation?"
—Pat to Matt when asked about Kelnerfest
Stop it — I'll give you something to cry about.
"Have another donut you fat pig!" —former Devils coach
"Try Me" —Thriftway sticker on Charles' forehead
"Don't you hate it when people cut in line?
"
"You know, you can't let them get away with that..."
"It's always good to have at least one coconut around."
—Charles, perfectly sober (yeah right!) at Thriftway on
a Monday Night
"BIRD!" —any grouse lover at any given time
"Time to snuff the rooster. That bird's gonna die!" —Alice in Chains
110 years old and still in the bars every night —Grand Old Dad Whiskey Ad
"FUCK YOU PIKE" —Charles' response to Pike leaving him at The Site in NYC.
"This mean big trouble for moose and squirrel." —Charles when drunk
"You're clapping too loud."
—a hungover Valerie to Pike at the They Might Be Giants
Concert
"My cat is stressed."
"How do you know? Did you take her to a psychiatrist?"
"Well she was fine for three years..."
"Then what, she got that new job, her husband wouldn't take
care of the kids, she started drinking again ...pretty soon she
would find herself in the litter box not knowing how she got there."
—Tracy, Pike, and Charles discussing the mental health of
Valerie's cat.
"You don't live with my cat, ALRIGHT"
—Valerie in defense of her cat
"I got her a rock and rye... a double." —Charles when drunk
"Having my children is like me pulling
your lip over your face."
—Charles said to Valerie and preceded to demonstrate. Twice.
"Do you want to hold it?" —Charles Maddow to Valerie
"Well, so much for security"
—Charles after Valerie broke down his door, another Monday
night.
"Callous is more than just something that grows on your feet" —Charles
Creamed Chip Beef at the Big L
"Loser!"
—Erin at any given time
"You're a good driver; put your hands on
the wheel!"
—Tracy, Valerie and Erin to Jayakar about his driving.
"This big in my FACE!"
—Frieda after she buried her face in Scorpio's (a male stripper
at Leanne's bachelorette party) leg.
"Anyone have a designated driver?" —Paul
"Hey Val, are you going to Murph's?
"Do pigs fly?!"
"No Val, they don't"
"Oh"
—Erin and Valerie
"You mean you can't take bikes onto the
highway?"
—José, after he, Dan, and Charles biked down 76
"Is there anyone in this house who is ever not drunk?" —Louise
"Evil dwells at 314"
—written on the white fridge after Donna's ice cream; Ken's,
Jennie's and Dan's milk; Frieda's chocolate chips; Tracy's soccer
shorts; Louise's house key; the remote control; Valerie's frying
pan; Valerie's hammer; and Valerie's pickles mysteriousl y disappear.
"I've got to get my hands on Mike Simon's...(pause)"
— Erin
"WHAT?!" —Valerie and Denise
"mixes." —Erin
Don't go in there! Don't go into the barn!
"Yeah, 'Happy Anniversary, honey. We're
through?!' What the fuck is that?"
—if you really want to know, ask Tracy
