One thing that has
always bugged Me, & I'm sure it does you also Is to sit down
at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from
a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as
irritating as they were to Me. The call was from AT&T and it
went
something like this:
(swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, May I speak toMs. D please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5Mins thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate My salad . Much to My surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is thisMs. D?
Me:May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is thisMs. D?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: YesMa'am.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: YesMa'am.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: YesMa'am, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Ms. D.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.
(When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent).
AT&T:Ms. D, we would like to offer you 10
cents aMinute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure sheMeant she was offering a "rate" of 10
cents aMinute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly
see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator &
do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents aMinute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point byMy interest)
YesMa'am that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: YesMa'am.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum ofMoney!
AT&T: YesMa'am, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you sendMe checks weekly,Monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, & if you send
an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: ExcuseMe?
Me: You know, the 10 cents aMinute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd giveMe 10 cents aMinute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per
week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you
will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no Ma'am. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay
us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait aMinute here!!! Didn't you say you'd giveMe 10 cents aMinute.
Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T Ma'am but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give
me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this
some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things
like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing
techniques on me.
AT&T: NoMa'am we are offering 10 cents aMinute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T:Ma'am I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: YesMs. D. Please hold.
(So now AT&T hasMe on hold &My supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a fewMinutes and while I have aMouth full of food):
Supervisor:Ms. D?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10
cents aMinute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes Ma'am, it sure is.
(I had to swallow before I choked onMy food. It was all I could do to suppressMy laughter & I had to be careful not to produce a snort).
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone
to get back toMe so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person
who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
(I was on hold once again &Managed a fewMoreMouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone).
AT&T: HelloMs. D, I understand that you
are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends & family thing because you can
never have enough friends & I'm an only child & I'd really
like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)
