Valerie Blassey • Graphic Design

Humor

 

 

    

How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace

• Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
  
  
• Insist that your e-mail address be "zena.goddess.of.fire@companyname.com"
  
  
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
  
  
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
  
  
• Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
  
  
• Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
  
  
• Come to work in your pajamas.
  
  
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
  
  
• Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
  
  
• Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
  
  
• Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm. or 2:37pm, or 10:16am
  
  
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  
  
• Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
  
  
• Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
  
  
• Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
  
  
• Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
  
  
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  
  
• Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
  
  
• "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
  
  
• Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
  
  
• Hang mistletoe over your desk.
  
  
• Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." or "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
  
  
• While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
  
  
• Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  
  
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.